Maybe the best way for me to not think about the mundane, uneventful (perhaps a good thing?) life that I have, is to have some distraction. Like, reading manga (which is what I’ve been doing for several weeks now, just worried about what next, as I’m most likely to catch up with the latest chapter released pretty soon at the rate I’m going), or a book (the last book I read was Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84, on my laptop). Even though I do buy physical copies of a book from time to time, but I’m getting used to reading stuff off my tablet, cause it’s with me all the time (provided that the battery power could still last for a while) rather than carrying hundreds of pages around.
I’ve already been reading manga off my tablet, which is even better than reading on a laptop, because I can easily resize the image at the touch of my fingers as I wish. On the other hand, ebooks are great on tablets too. I can flip a page by swiping my finger across, and a ‘flipping’ sound even follows the virtual flipping of a page. How cool is that? Haha (and my finger won’t even be exposed to the risk of being sliced by an occasional sharp edge of the paper).
My current read actually comes from the book recommendations on Google Play Store for 2013. It’s ‘Eleanor & Park’, whose title straightforwardly enough gives you the idea that the story is about a girl named Eleanor and a guy named Park.
Everytime I read love stories, my heart leaps joyfully, temporarily shuns out all the sorrows it has been hiding inside. I feel like escaping into the story, so I could immerse myself in some sort of young, budding relationship and stop wondering about how my relationship has gone down such a distressed path. Maybe it’s just a temporary escape from reality, but it’s better than reality. Better than to have my tears flow down my cheeks before I realise it, for almost everyday. Better than my intentional silence to avoid the unsolved or going-nowhere argument we end up with everytime he started asking me why did I cry.
I don’t know if I could keep on living like this. But life goes on. So I have to keep living, and let out all my thoughts which could never be spoken in real life. Or maybe just because I would rather not to talk about it.
Langkawi之旅确实不错。体验了刺激的水上活动 - parasailing 和 jetskiing, 在湖上划船, 到海岛上看风景, 与猴子近距离的接触(包包被猴子盯上), 自行驾车的roadtrip feel, 海滩上滑溜溜的沙, 一望无际的海与天空。难得让自己脱离工作, 果然接近大自然能让人解压。
只是觉得有一点沉重。如海浪般席卷而来的寂寞。渐少的话语, 彼此脸上的笑容也仿佛遗漏在回忆中。我想对他说的话, 我在等待他对我说的话, 都彼此错开了。会不会有一天, 我们再也无法对彼此说出心里的话, 然后各自走在不一样的道路上, 渐行渐远?
我承认我很容易不耐烦, 容易陷入负面的情绪里, 久久不能自己。在寂静的空间里, 只能依赖音乐让我的世界不至于哑雀无声, 虽然音乐也能助长忧郁 (在于所选择的音乐类型). 我不知道有一天我会不会习惯了这样的一切, 连他的声音都不存在的世界里, 也可以坦然自在。